[ Plane Engine Droning ]
[ People Chattering ]
[ Woman ] This will be the final boarding call for flight 2...
to London, Heathrow.
Okay.
[ Sighs ] I'm not even gonna say it, Kate.
Then it'll be like I never left.
Okay?
Wait.
I have a really bad feeling about this.
About the plane?
You think it's gonna crash? Don't say that.
No. Look, I know that we've talked about this a thousand times,
and we agreed that going to London was the right thing to do.
But in my heart... this feels wrong.
Don't go, Jack. You mean don't go at all?
Well, what.. what about my internship?
Believe me, I know.. I know what an incredible opportunity this is for you.
For us, Kate. Right, for us.
But I'm afraid that if you get on that plane.. Look.
We're at the airport. Nobody ever thinks clearly at the airport.
So we should just trust the decision we already made.
You've been accepted to one of the best law schools in the country.
I've got this internship at Barclay's Bank. We have a great plan, honey.
You wanna do something great, Jack?
Let's flush the plan. Let's start our lives right now, today.
I mean, I have no idea what this life is gonna look like,
but I know that it has the both of us in it, and I choose us.
The plan doesn't make us great, Jack.
What we have together, that's what makes us great.
- I love you, Kate. - I love you too. I do.
And one year in London is not gonna change that.
A hundred years couldn't change that.
Experts are predicting a mild rally in the bond market.
[ Continues Indistinctly ]
[ Woman ] Last night was incredible. Huh?
I said, last night was great.
You are an amazing lover.
Thanks. You're not bad yourself.
- I wanna see you again. - I'd like that too.
Tonight. It's Christmas eve, Jack.
So? I'll pour eggnog over you. [ Laughing ]
- [ Growls ] - I have to go visit my parents out in Jersey.
Jersey? Do you have any idea what the traffic's gonna be like?
That's why I'm taking the train.
It was nice meeting you, Jack.
# [ "La Donna EMobile" ] #
[ Singing Along With CD ] # Sempre un amabile #
# Leggiadro viso #
# Inpianto o in riso #
# Emenzognero #
# La donna e mobil #
# Qualpiuma al vento #
# Muta d'accento #
# Edipensier #
# [ Luciano Pavarotti Vocalizing ] #
# No #
# [ Vocalizing Along ] #
# [ Humming ] #
# Bomp, bomp, bomp bomp, bomp-bomp #
# Bomp, bomp, bomp bahrump, bomp-bomp #
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Mrs. Peterson. Hello, Jack.
You don't have to stop singing on my account. Oh, it's because I'm shy, Betty.
So, when are you gonna leave that old corpse, Mr. Peterson, and run away with me ?
You know you could never satisfy me the way he does.
Ah. [ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Merry Christmas, Mr. Campbell.
How'd you make out this year, Tony?
About four grand, and a bottle of 25-year-old Scotch from 9D.
I'm putting it all in commercial paper like you said.
Good, but just until the deutsche mark turns.
- Thank you, Mr. Campbell. - All right.
Good morning, Joe. Merry Christmas, sir.
Campbell wants these available. Thanks, Adelle.
Better you than me.
If Med Tech shares fall any lower than 43,
we're in trouble with the stock valuations.
So for God's sake, please watch what you say to your institutional customers.
We still have almost a full day of trading before zero hour, and I don't want any trouble.
[ Sighs ] A penny for your thoughts, Alan.
Hmm? Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Jack, I was thinking about, you know, Dee and the kids.
I promised I'd be home for dinner. It's Christmas eve, Jack.
- Oh, is that tonight? - [ Polite Laughter ]
You think I like being here on Christmas eve, Alan?
No. Well, maybe.
[ Laughter ] Okay.
Okay, maybe I do have a touch of tunnel vision this holiday season.
But in two days we're going to announce...
one of the largest mergers in U.S. corporate history.
When a deal like this turns up, you get on it and you ride it till it's over.
You don't ask it for a vacation.
December 26. After that there'll be so much money floating around here,
it'll be like Christmas every day.
December 26, people. If you'd like to celebrate that day, you all have my blessing.
- You're right. I'm sorry. - I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to be excited.
I want my gift to you to be the first gift you open this year. You know why?
- [ Stammering ] - Because my gift comes with ten zeroes.
You're right. I'm focused. I'm there.
Good man. Everybody, turn to page 12 in your prospectus.
[ All Chattering Indistinctly ]
You have six messages. Two of them are imperative. Whoa. I'm going home.
I'm not even here now. Good night. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
It's only 8:30. I'm disappointed. Got some last-minute shopping to do?
You too? This holiday's about giving. I'm giving everything I've got to this deal.
So in a way, I'm more Christmassy than anybody. You're my role model, Jack.
Oh, and Oxford called. Ooh, my suits are ready.
- Mm-hmm. - Care for a Lifesaver?
No, thank you. Help yourself.
Kate Reynolds. Her assistant said you could reach her at home after 8:00.
Kate Reynolds was my girlfriend in college.
I almost married her. [ Chuckles ] You?
Married? Almost married.
And almost a broker at E.F. Hutton. Excuse me?
She didn't want me to go to London.
We're standing at the airport saying good-bye, and she asked me to stay.
So you left her.
- Wasn't easy. - Oh, stop it. I'm getting all weepy.
I took the road less traveled, Adelle.
And look where it took ya. I'm gonna get this gal on the phone.
Nope. You almost married this woman.
You're not even curious why she called?
She's probably just having a fit of nostalgia.
Lonely Christmas eve. Called the one that got away. Why call her back and mislead her?
This happened a very, very long time ago.
8:35 on Christmas eve.
Jack Campbell still at his desk.
Now there's a Hallmark moment for you.
Peter, I don't see you rushing home to trim the tree.
That's because I'm a heartless bastard who only cares about money.
Well, you know what? God love you for that.
Got a call from Terry Haight.
Bob Thomas is nervous.
That'll happen when you're about to spend $130 billion on some aspirin.
Somebody's gotta nurse him through this.
Why are you staring at my breasts, Peter?
I need you, tiger. Where is he?
- Aspen. - Call Aunt Irma and tell her I won't be able to make it.
You're a credit to capitalism, Jack.
Hey, Peter, let me ask you a question.
An old girlfriend calls you out of the blue on Christmas eve.
- What do you do? - You suddenly having trouble getting dates?
- Yeah. - Leave it in the past.
Old flames are like old tax returns..
put 'em in the file cabinet for three years, and then you cut 'em loose.
I'll leave from my office tomorrow in the afternoon.
Call the group. Schedule an emergency strategy session for noon.
That'll be a nice little holiday treat.
Good night, Frank. Hey, Mr. Campbell.
Why didn't you call down? I would have had Joe get your ride.
I'm thinking I'll walk tonight. It's a nice night for it.
I'll send your car home for you. That'll be fine.
- And Merry Christmas to you, sir. - To you too.
Eggnog ? Yeah, dairy case. Five dollar.
Okay.
Hey, yo. Y'all do the lotto here, right? Y'all do the lotto here?
Yeah. Cool. 'Cause I got a winner, baby. I got a winner.
Certified, good as gold. I know lotto keep a lot of brothers down, but not Cash Money.
Don't do me none, son, 'cause I'd be like..
Bang on the lottery! You know what I mean? It's all good.
Relax, son. Relax. I got you four numbers. Check it. Bust it.
6, 14, 16, 49. That's a winner, son.
$238, B. Cheddar coming.
Give me my money. I'm sorry. Your ticket bad. You draw in the lines.
What are you talking about, B.? You draw in the lines with a pencil. I know about this.
Yo, buster, check the ticket, son. No, you get out.
Yo, you ain't even looked at the ticket. You looking at me, son. Check the ticket.
You get out now! You take the ticket somewhere else!
Next customer in line!
You get out or I call 9-1-1.
Oh, my God!
Check the ticket, stupid.
Look at the ticket. Shit, now I'm gonna make you call God.
That's my word. You best check that ticket, fool! Let me see the ticket.
Was I talking to you?
Maybe I'll buy it from you. You know, make a little business deal.
Stupid-ass white boy in $2,000 suit gets capped trying to be a hero. News at 11:00.
That's what you wanna see? You wanna see Cash up in here? You want me to set it, son?
Do you wanna die?
Do you want to die?
No.
Look, I'm talking about a business deal.
Okay? I buy the ticket from you for $200.
I take it to a store where the guy behind the counter doesn't have a death wish.
I just made myself a quick $38.
Like I said, it's..
it's just a business deal.
All right. Yeah.
All right.
You blew it, B. You blew it.
The ticket was real. Damn, you had your chance too.
Come on, Jack. Let's get out of here.
How'd you know my name was Jack?
I call all you guys Jack.
Here. Nice doing business with ya.
Hey. Hey, um..
What do you want to carry that gun around for anyway?
You're just gonna wind up doing something you regret.
You're talking to the wrong person about regrets, Jack.
I mean, there must be programs out there and, um, opportunities.
Wait a minute. Are you actually trying to save me?
This is bananas.
This man thinks I need to be saved, yo!
Well, everybody needs something.
Yeah ? Well, what do you need, Jack?
Me? You just said, everybody needs something.
I got everything I need.
Wow. It must be great being you.
I'm not saying that you'd be able to do it without some hard work, some honest hard work,
and possibly some medicine.
You know, I'm gonna really enjoy this.
You just remember that you did this, Jack, okay?
You brought this on yourself.
Merry Christmas. [ Chuckles ]
Mmm, ten more minutes, Jack.
It's Christmas.
#Jingle bells Santa smells Rudolph laid an egg #
- # La, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la # - Never mind.
- [ Woman ] Who's here? - Rise and shine.
Don't you think we should open some presents?
- I think you should give Mama five more minutes in bed. - Come on, Dad. Get up.
Can we do that? Yea! It's Christmas!
- It's Christmas! - Look, your sister's jumping on the bed.
What is this dog doing on the bed? He needs to get off the bed.
Did Santa come? I don't know. We'll have to go see.
- Let's go see the presents. - You wanna get some presents?
Mommy just needs to wake up.
Jack. Strong coffee.
Oh, Jack. Merry Christmas, dear.
Lorraine. Ed.
Hey, Jack, you old bird dog. Merry Christmas to ya.
Talk to him. One day a year away from the Ponderosa.
- I don't think that's asking too much. - This is who I am.
Tell her, Jack, for God's sake. You're the only one around here that gets me.
- I need some eggnog. - 'Course you do, sweet thing. Almost 8:00 in the morning.
Excuse me. Where you going, Jack?
Josh, Annie, giddyup! Where's my car? Where's my Ferrari?
What? Where's my Ferrari?
What the hell are you talking.. What's he talking about? You got a Ferrari?
Let me borrow your car and then I promise I'll have it returned.
My Caddy ? Drive your own damn car.
Oh, just let him borrow your precious Cadillac, for God sakes.
There's a perfectly good minivan sitting out there in the driveway. Here.
What the hell's wrong with him anyway?
- Tony, thank God! - Sorry, pal. Entrance is for residents and guests only.
What? What are you talking about?
Jack Campbell, penthouse "C." What's the matter with you? Uh-huh.
Mrs. Peterson, I think there's something wrong with our man Tony here.
Who is this man?
Oh, come on. What is going on with you two this morning?
Is this like a, uh.. a Christmas joke?
"Who is this man?" Well, we're on the co-op board together, Betty.
And we fought side by side for garbage disposals.
And every morning we exchange quasi-sexual witty banter.
Okay? Shall I call the cops? I'm gonna call the cops.
No, I'm gonna call the cops! You're scaring me.
- No, no, no, no. - Thank you for not calling the cops.
Now, I'm going upstairs, I'm gonna get some sleep. Then I'll be fine.
Sleep you shall. Noblesse oblige isn't dead. Not yet anyway.
Let's, um.. Let's get you some help. Surely there's a shelter somewhere in this city.
A shelter?
Hey, hey, are you smacked out of your head?
I'm the richest man in this building! I've got twice the square footage you have!
And I'm going upstairs. Take a walk, pal.
Oh, not cool. Not cool!
You wanna get cute? Get cute.
I'm gonna go to my office. I'm gonna file a complaint to the manager of the building.
I'm gonna have you fired, Tony. And, Mrs. Peterson, you're on notice with the co-op board!
So you better just stop whatever this is that you're doing!
[ Engine Not Starting ]
Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah.
Oh, come on! [ Starts ]
Frank, you won't believe what's been happening to me. Is Adelle here yet?
Hold it right there. Where's Mintz?
The building is closed, pal. You have to come back tomorrow.
Frank, why do I feel the need to remind you that I'm Jack Campbell, President?
I don't care who you are. It's Christmas, and like I told you, the building is closed.
I don't think you heard me correctly.
I'm Jack Campbell.
Jack Campbell!
President!
Have a nice holiday, man.
[ Tires Screeching ]
# [ CD: "La Donna EMobile" ] #
- That's my car! - Hi, Jack.
- You stole my car. - I know this whole thing is really bizarre to you...
and you're feeling quite shocked, but just hop in.
I'll explain everything to you, okay?
Come on.
You're probably gonna wanna buckle up, Jack. This thing moves.
# [ Ends ] #
- What's happening to me? - Breathe into the bag, Jack.
This kind of thing makes a lot of guys have to throw up. I seen it happen before.
So if you feel the urge, you roll down the window and do it out there.
[ Groaning ] Try not to get so worked up, Jack.
After all, you brought this on yourself.
Brought what on myself? I didn't do anything!
"I got everything I need." That sound familiar?
You mean 'cause you thought I was cocky, I'm now on a permanent acid trip?
Bag yourself, Jack.
[ Screaming ]
Oh, my God! Ah!
The way you intervened in that store last night, you did a good thing there, Jack.
I mean, it was incredibly impressive all the way across the board...
Oh, God! to the upper echelons of the organization.
Please just tell me what's happening to me in plain English...
without the mumbo-jumbo.
This is a glimpse, Jack. A glimpse?
I.. A glimpse of what?
You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself and you got plenty of time.
- How much time? - As much time as it takes,
which in your case is probably gonna be considerable.
Okay, look, look. I-I-I just want my life back, okay?
Now, what's it gonna take? You wanna talk turkey?
Let's talk turkey. How much money?
- It doesn't work like that, and I can't tell you why. - Why not?
Because you have to figure this thing out for yourself.
Are you listening to me? Figure it out, figure it out. Figure out what?
- Let it come to you, man. - I don't have time for this right now.
- I'm in the middle of a deal. - Well, you're working on a new deal now, baby.
What's this? Open it.
What is it, some kind of a signal?
[ Bell Dings ] Will you come whenever I ring it?
Now you gotta get out of the car, Jack.
But what do I do? I'm sorry. I can't spend any more time with you.
I got some other business I gotta take care of. No, y-y-you did this to me.
You can't just leave me like this.
Okay. Look, you wanna get some air? Let's get outside, get some air.
We'll walk and I'll explain everything to you, okay?
- Thanks, man. - Sure.
Excuse me. Do you know where Merrison Street is?
[ Chuckles ] Jeannie.
I found Jack. Oh, there you are, stranger.
Where you been?
[ Sighs ]
You look terrible. Truth is, I expected you.
Kate called and asked if I knew where you were, so..
Oh, I put the Barcalounger in the center of the room. It's throwing everybody off.
What do you think?
It's a great room. Great room.
You and me, buddy, we know how to live, huh?
Come on.
Come on, Jack. Come on..
Whoo ! [ Laughing ]
Come on, buddy. Take your seat.
Are you okay?
I mean, you take off Christmas morning and you don't tell anyone where you're going.
- We're friends? - Talk to me.
I'm having kind of a bad day.
You know, I read somewhere that the suicide rate doubles during the holiday.
What am I saying that for? You don't wanna hear that. Come on.
Is it.. Is it trouble at work?
I-I don't think so.
Well, it's not Kate, is it?
You see, huh ? It's like we're inside each other's heads.
Kate's my wife. [ Chuckles ]
Just keep saying it over and over again, Jack, like a mantra. Keep saying it.
Look, you know, you fit the profile exactly..
in your 30s, house, kids, financial responsibilities.
You start thinking this isn't the life I dreamt about.
Where's the romance, you know?
Where's the joie de vivre?
Suddenly every lingerie ad in the Newark Star-Ledger...
represents a life that you can't have.
It's just two kids, right?
Come on. Come on.
All right, sometimes it feels like you gave up the whole world. I know that.
But look what you got. Look at that: four bedrooms,
two-and-a-half baths, a partially finished basement.
And good kids. Look. You know what?
You probably don't wanna hear this right now.
But remember last summer when I almost had that thing with Arnie, Jr.'s speech therapist?
You remember what you said to me?
You said, "Don't screw up the best thing in your life...
just because you're a little unsure about who you are."
Okay?
Go get 'em, tiger.
Could you hold on a second?
Um, never mind because.. because he just walked in.
Thank you. Thank you.
Do you... have any idea what you put us through today?
You walk out of here at 7:30 in the morning.
You don't tell me where you're going, or even that you're going.
And I don't see you till hours later?
I called all of our friends. I had the state troopers looking for you.
I was on the phone with the hospital, for God's sakes.
What kind of man leaves his family Christmas morning without a word about where he's going?
What kind of a man does that, Jack? I don't know.
Could you--Could you please stop yelling at me?
Where were you? I was in the city.
The city? New York City?
Yeah. Why?
Because that's where I live. Don't start, Jack. Don't.
Look, you don't understand.
I--I--I woke up this morning here.
And this is very strange because...
this isn't my house.
[ Groans ] And those aren't my kids. I'm not Dad.
I-I-I'm not a dad. You're not my wife.
You know what, Jack. It's not funny this time...
because I am really mad.
I mean, really mad. I mean it.
I don't even.. [ Bell Dinging ]
What..
What's that?
I like it. Thanks, Dad.
That's mine. Hey, I need that back.
She took my bell.
You missed the whole thing..
the pancakes and the presents.
You spent six hours putting that bike together for Annie,
and then you didn't even get to see the look on her face when she opened it.
You missed Christmas, Jack.
I'm sorry.
[ Sniffles ] You know, we don't even have enough time for this.
And at least you're okay. I'm okay, we're okay.
But you've gotta get dressed for the Thompson party. And you are not wearing that.
I don't care how hilarious you think it is.
Party? No, I'm not going to a party.
You look forward to this party all year. What is it with you today?
Believe me, Kate. I really don't think that going to a party...
is the right move for me at the present time.
Okay, fine. You know what? Then you just do whatever you wanna do.
What are you doing? Telling my mother she doesn't have to stay with the kids.
Why not? Because you'll be here.
I'll be ready in ten minutes. [ Sighs ]
[ Groans ]
This is.. This is just subpar.
# Oh, the weather outside is frightful # [ Barks ]
Lance, here you go.
[ Doorbell Chimes ] Excuse me.
# Let it snow, let it snow Let it snow #
# It doesn't show signs of stopping #
Kate. Jack. Evelyn.
Come in. Hey, everybody, Kate and Jack are here.
[ All ] Hey! Jeannie.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Jack, Merry Christmas.
Whoops. Here.
So, like the dress? Oh, it's lovely.
I thought I saw you notice it at the kids' recital.
It's lovely. It's lovely.
There he is.
Hey, Jack. Happy holidays, man. Yeah.
Jack, come on over.
Hey, Jack. Cheers, baby.
You guys see Van Horn last night? Thirty-two points.
That kid's gonna take the Nets to the championship. The Nets? Are you kidding?
They suck.
But they're due. They're certainly due.
So, tomorrow's the big day, Jackie.
Okay. Why?
My triple bypass.
I'm going under the knife tomorrow. I told you that, right?
Triple bypass. Yeah.
You really think you should be eating all that? Eh.
Figure I'm going in for a cleaning tomorrow.
Might as well load up on the fried stuff tonight, right?
That's good thinking, Bill. Have another drink.
Some fried pork, mashed potatoes. He'll be dead by morning.
- How 'bout a cigar, Jack? - Oh, no, thank you. I'm cutting down.
- Come on. They're American made, not Cuban. - Oh, really?
Come on.
Very nice. I thought you'd like 'em.
Mm. Mmm!
Superb.
How 'bout you, Arnie? I'm all right. Thanks.
Finger food? No, thank you. I'm fine.
Come on. Soon as I put 'em down, you're gonna grab a couple.
You always do. No, I'm okay.
Let me. They will melt in your mouth.
Yeah.
Good? Fabulous.
At the end of this whole thing, she made me this hand-embroidered sweater.
It was really lovely. [ Jeannie ] How nice.
So I'm slipping it on and I notice that she's misspelled the word "lawyers."
Uh-oh. I spent the entire day walking around...
with a sweater that said, "Nonprofit layers do it for free."
So you're a lawyer?
A nonprofit lawyer?
Probono.
- You don't get paid at all? Nobody makes a dime? -Jack?
"Any hoo.."
[ Barks ]
[ Growling ]
I better go wake my mom. There you go.
Uh, I don't think so.
- She's your dog, Jack. - No, she's not.
You're right. She's the kids' dog.
Maybe we should go wake Josh and make him walk her. [ Chuckles ]
If you take a dump sometime in this century, then we could go home where it's warm.
If I can even remember how to get home.
You remember, don't you, girl?
[ Josh Crying ]
[ Crying Continues ]
Hello ? # [ Rock Playing Faintly ] #
# Am I hard enough Am I rough enough #
# Am I rich enough #
Hello ? # I'm not too blind #
# To see #
- Hey! - What?
Oh. That baby's crying.
And?
Don't give me that look, Jack. Tuesday's your day and you know it.
And listen, try and get Josh to day care on time, okay?
# You're a pretty, pretty pretty, pretty #
# Such a pretty girl #
[ Coos ]
Yeah.
All right.
[ Groans ]
Holy Mother of God!
Ohh!
[ Josh Expels Gas ]
[ Coos ]
You're not really my dad, are you?
No, I'm not.
I work on Wall Street, you know, with the big buildings.
I live in an apartment with a doorman.
And I can buy almost anything I want.
This isn't my life. It's just a glimpse.
Where's my real dad?
I don't know. But don't worry.
He loves you, and I'm sure he'll be back very soon.
What are you doing?
They did a pretty good job.
Who did?
The aliens in the mother ship.
You look just like him.
Oh, thanks.
Slightly better looking though, right?
Oh, no, you're not gonna start crying, are you?
I don't think I could really deal with that right now.
Do you like kids?
On a case by case basis.
Do you know how to make chocolate milk?
I.. I think I could figure it out.
Promise you won't kidnap me and my brother...
and plant stuff in our brains?
Sure.
Welcome to Earth.
[ Man Singing On Tape ] # We're going to the zoo zoo, zoo #
# Look at all the crocodiles swimming in the.. # [ Engine Off ]
This is where babies go when their parents are at work.
Check.
Just push the red button.
Okay.
Do I get a receipt or something?
I have winter camping till 4:00 and ballet class until 5:30.
5:30. Okay. And try not to be late...
'cause kids don't like to be the last one picked up. Got it. Good tip.
Bye. Bye.
- Hey, Annie. Where do I go now? - Big Ed's.
Big Ed's Tires? Why?
- 'Cause you work there. - You mean I sell tires.
That's what I do. I'm a tire salesman.
Good Lord!
- Morning, Jack. - Hi.
- Good morning, Jack. - Hi.
Hey, Jack.
# [ "Sleigh Ride" ] #
Jack, my boy.
Hey, guess who I played bridge with two nights ago.
Hell, you'll never guess.
One Sydney Potter. That's Sydney Potter, C.E.O., Buy Rite Transport.
Only the third biggest trucking outfit in the state.
"Any hoo," he's looking for a new parts supplier.
We can handle volume like that, now can't we, Jack?
I'm gonna have to get back to you on that, Ed.
Right on. [ Clicks Tongue ]
Right on.
Excuse me. Uh, do I.. do I have a private office somewhere in the building?
Sure, Jack.
Where is it?
Oh, uh, it's..
it's right back.. right back there.
Thank you. Yeah.
[ Groans ]
Oh, no.
You must've needed this every day.
[ Sighs ]
[ Cup Clatters On Floor ]
What are you smiling about?
Eighty-eight?
I was in London in 1988.
You never went to London.
[ Woman Over P.A., Loudly ] Jack, you're needed in mag wheels. Customer waiting.
I was the number one junior sales associate for E.F. Hutton in 1988.
Did you know that? Uh, no. No, I didn't.
That's great.
That's the kind of thing you could really build on, you know?
Uh-huh. Yeah. I mean, sales has always been a feeder for M&A. Always.
Uh-huh.
Well, look, here we are. The mag wheels. Mag wheels.
Oh. So.
Hey, Jack, um, are you sure you're okay?
Well, I'm just a little confused right now about why I work here.
Uh.. [ Chuckles ]
I just started here last Tuesday, so..
[ Woman On TV ] The closing tip was a mildly bullish plus-76.
Much of the market's action today was fueled by the latest round of merger mania...
to hit Wall Street...
when Global Health Systems and Med Tech Pharmaceutical announced their intentions...
to join forces in a massive $122 billion stock swap deal,
the largest ever in the health care industry.
When asked about the possible anti-competitive implications,
Global chairman Bob Thomas referred reporters...
to P.K. Lassiter & Company president Alan Mintz, the architect behind the deal.
- That's my deal! - Ironically, Mintz first met Thomas at a Lamaze class.
While coaching their pregnant wives, Mintz and Thomas... What?
struck up a dialog, and two months later, the deal with Med Tech was born.
He wasn't the architect! I'm the architect!
Labor department officials announced today that 275,000 new jobs have been created.
The kids are asleep. [ Chuckles ]
The kids, hon. Honey.
Sweetheart, I said the kids are asleep.
That's just great. Those little monkeys can be a real handful.
Hey, I was watching that.
Not tonight. # [ Stereo ] #
[ Chuckles ]
Please leave my socks alone. [ Laughing ]
Wait. [ Chuckles ]
- You want me. - That is the general idea, yeah.
Oh, well, maybe we should grab a bottle of wine first.
[ Laughs ] Kind of break the ice.
Yeah, that's very funny. Look, it's 10:30.
By 11:00 you're gonna be snoring like a monster,
but that's very sweet.
I'll remember that for next time.
Whatever you say... honey.
[ Chuckling ] Yeah.
# Strange what desire will make foolish people do #
# I never dreamed that I'd need somebody #
# Like you #
Oh, God, you're beautiful.
Thanks, Jack.
No, I'm serious.
You're really stunning.
This is good stuff. I want you to keep this up.
You were always a very pretty girl in college. There's no question about that.
But this..
[ Sighs ] You've really grown into a beautiful woman.
How can you do that?
What?
Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years.
Okay, wait. Don't move. Don't look.
Stay right there. [ Chuckling ]
I got something.
# The world was on fire #
# No one could save me but you #
[ Whispering ] Good night, sweetheart.
# Strange what desire #
# Will make foolish people do #
# [ Stops ] #
Okay, we're almost out of here.
Mary Janes, Mommy. You promised.
That's right. I did promise. Okay. All right.
We're gonna stop at the kids' shoe department first,
and then I gotta pick up my watch from the battery store.
Then I'm gonna go to the linen store.
Why don't we go to all the stores?
Every single store in this god forsaken shopping mall.
Wouldn't that be exciting?
You know what? Why don't I take the kids,
and you just stay here and hang out in the men's department?
Come on, hon.
It's perfect for your frame.
Why don't you try it on?
I might want to take an inch out of the back. Okay.
Lengthen the sleeve.
You look amazing in that suit.
I mean, really.. wow!
Off the charts, great.
It's an unbelievable thing.
Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person.
I'm gonna buy it.
It's $2,400.
Are you out of your mind ? Come on, let's go.
She got those shoes. Those shoes were $25.
Come on. Take it off, all right?
We'll go to the food court and get one of those funnel cakes you like.
Daddy's a crazy guy.
No.
[ Whispers ] No.
Do you have any idea what my life is like?
- Excuse me? - I wake up in the morning covered in dog saliva.
I drop the kids off,
spend eight hours selling tires retail.
Retail, Kate.
I pick the kids up, walk the dog,
which, by the way, carries the added bonus...
of carting away her monstrous crap.
I play with the kids, take out the garbage,
get six hours of sleep if I'm lucky.
Then everything starts all over again.
So what's in it for me?
Wh-Where are my Mary Janes?
You know, it's sad to hear that your life is such a disappointment to you.
I can't believe it isn't a disappointment to you!
Jesus, Kate, I could have been a thousand times the man I became.
I could have been one of the richest.. Forbes..
How could you do this to me? How could you let me give up on my dreams like this?
Really, I want to know.
Who are you?
All right, look. I'm sorry.
[ Clears Throat ] I'm sorry I was such a saint before...
and I'm such a prick now!
But maybe I'm just not...
the same guy that I was when we got married.
You know what? Maybe you're not.
Because the Jack Campbell I married would not need a $2,400 suit...
to feel better about his life.
But I'm telling you, if that's what it's gonna take, then buy it.
Jesus! We 'll take the money out of the kids' college fund.
Forget it. We'll get a funnel cake.
It'll be the highlight of my week.
Listen, I'm really sorry about that back in the store.
I don't want to fight with you.
I just sometimes wonder how we ended up here, you know.
I mean, back in college, d-did you see us here?
Life has thrown us a few surprises. I'll give you that.
It really has, hasn't it?
Yeah. So, if you had to, what would you say was the biggest surprise?
Just out of curiosity. I'm just asking.
- Well, Annie, for one. - Surprise, we're pregnant.
Yeah, that must have been.
I mean, that.. that was. That was a very unexpected moment.
- What are you gonna do? - I think it turned out all right, don't you?
Yeah. I really like Annie.
Well, good, Jack. Maybe we'll keep her.
No, I love her. I love Annie.
I'm just..
We had a lot of good times, didn't we?
Do you remember the place on Charles Street where we used to go?
Charles Street?
In the village?
When we were living in Greenwich Village.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Great times. Great place.
Why did we ever leave?
You can't really raise a kid in an apartment in the village.
Then there was the whole trek out to the hospital. That didn't help either.
You were great. I mean, surviving the heart attack was one thing.
- You had a heart attack? - Hey, Jack, stop that.
'Cause I am.. I'm still mad at you.
Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't stepped in at the store?
That's why I work for Big Ed.
That's why I work for Big Ed. Yeah.
So we had a baby, Big Ed had a heart attack.
Bought that house, and I've been working for him ever since.
Sayonara, Wall Street.
Our life in a nutshell.
If you want to look at it that way.
How would you look at it?
A great success story.
What do you say, Jack? Show 'em how to do it, baby. Jack, we need a strike.
- Damn! -Jesus, Jack. What are you doing?
It's a league match. Where's your follow through? Where's your stance?
You know what? I'm doing the best I can.
It's okay, Jack.
[ Arnie ] Why am I so competitive all the time?
You can still pick up that spare. Crack 'em, Jack!
Here we go. Hurt 'em.
You're Jack Campbell. You're better than the sport.
You shot the rapids in Kanai. You ran with the bulls in Pamplona.
You've jumped out of an airplane over the Mojave Desert, for Christ's sake.
You can do this. You can do this.
Yes! Victorious!
Ha-ha? Ah-ha? [ Laughing ]
Huh? All right!
High five!
You're up. Go get 'em.